Anyone who owns a domain knows that spam virtually quadruples with every dot com purchase. Being the internet Maharishi that I am, I have taken adequate spam-filtering steps to avoid this mess with this blog. Occassionally one email or two will slip through to my otherwise clean inbox. So without further ado, I’d like to share a shot of brilliance with my faithful readers:

Hello! I am a beauty, virtuous, the stature Gao Tiao Chinese girl, theaffection music, takes the family, on very much likes the overseasculture and the education since childhood, yearned for the overseaslife, hoped can find a sincerity to dote on oneself, no matter thebirth and death, the shed does not abandon, life-long accompaniesspouse, if you also want, please contact with me! You also may read my resume and more pictures

If anyone can translate, I would love to have fun with said Gao Tiao Chinese Spammer and post it on this blog for kicks. Decipher-away!

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Insanity knows no bounds. Just because the Mango saga has roared back into Brownstone lore, doesn’t mean the crazies aren’t still prancing around, making appearances here and there, adding to these illustrious chronicles. Here are a couple of notables from the last 48 hours, leading off with my favorite billboard girl, herself:

Hey Brownstone

Now I could really use your help, is there any way you can help me design a business card? I’ve been to so many parties this summer when I wish I had something to give to people.

Let me know…

Thanks,
SlimFaster

Batting second, from the land down under (where women glow and men plunder …):

Hi Brownstone

Sawasdee kaa
How are you??? We have not talked long. Thursday I study very hard 35hrs/week some day finished 8.30pm so too tired…. but still think of you..^o^ . I gonna chat with u soon… have a good day

Thanks,
Chicken Pie

A call also came in over the weekend from Flash accusing me of neglecting her. Can I have some aspirin with that cup of crazy?

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Twelve days after I last hear from her, Wit offers up this gem via e-mail this afternoon.

Hey Brownstone,

sorry i didn’t write to you earlier but I haven’t been here for a week…I was out in Queens last week doing some training… how’s everything on your end?

- Wit

I think I am going to let this one sit for a while. I need a break.

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Alright, did I jinx myself or something? I say I had a date planned this week and so far - nothing, nada, zip. No word. I left Wit a message on her voicemail and email asking her when she’d be free and she has since completely disappeared on me. I could easily go down to the bank to see what’s up, but that’s borderline stalker-like, teenage behavior. Brownstone don’t play like that. I don’t believe in leaving multiple messages like some people do - not my style. I will take this as a sign of two things: 1) I suck. 2) My life and this blog are destined for more crazies! Joy! Honestly though, I can’t see why this would happen (though I am not surprised). There was a good vibe and everything. We all but confirmed a date and time for when we would do this. I will give her the benefit of the doubt right now assuming she is blitzed by work or other obligations that came up unexpectedly. I do have to deposit a check sometime soon so I am bound to run into her unless she has vanished - I will hold off till next week for that.

The possibilities, though, are endless and it’s making Brownstone dizzy. It is possible that I am completely misreading these ladies. It is possible that I am still really rusty post-divorce. It is possible that there is a nationwide conspiracy against Brownstone (Not-so) Cool and this is all being televised closed-captioned, in 150 different languages, commercial-free, hosted unceremoniously by Morgan Freeman and directed by Ken Burns.

Or maybe, it is possible that she somehow found this blog. Argh!

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A few more exchanges with Shy over the weekend reinforced my concern that she was just playing games with me. Now don’t get me wrong . . . I completely understand the whole thrust-and-parry of the typical courtship dance. I know things don’t happen overnight and I should exercise the upmost equanimity in the wake of a developing situation. But really . . . COME-THE-F*CK-ON. I really don’t have patience for this kind of back-and-forth BS. I am glad others have chimed in and agreed that she may not be interested at all. That makes me feel better as I am about to cut her off completely and I don’t want to feel as if I am making a mistake.

Who wants to take bets that she will be back in the near future asking me whats up with everything? I love this blog. It keeps Brownstone in check, ladies and gents. And I love you guys for throwing your two and a half cents into the spiel as well.

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I get into work Monday morning and get a message from good ol’ Guam.

Oh, guess what? I am going to be in New York next summer for work.

How convenient. So, after last week’s nonsense, circumstance throws her a curveball and she decides to re-connect with me. Of course, I am not having it - shooting back with:

Too bad you don’t know anyone here.

Scoooooore! One point for Brownstone Cool. Yep, that might have sounded assy out of me, but she walked right into that one. If anyone thinks I should be nicer about this whole thing, feel free to chime in.

In other news, the weekend was a bit rough. Saturday was the one year anniversary of my wedding and I couldn’t help but feel a bit miffed about the whole situation. I wasn’t really in the mood to be social so I stayed in with a bottle of Jack and watched a slew of inappropriate flicks on my obnoxiously big, and way under-used television set. Good job, Brownstone.

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The cool thing about the various networking sites that I am signed on to affords me the luxury (?) of meeting a wealth of people online. I used to have a young lady from Guam that wrote to me twice a week for several months earlier in the year. Last night, I log on to one of these networking sites to be met with one of those birthday alerts for this young lady. Seeing that I haven’t exchanged emails with her for a few weeks, I send her a nice small birthday greeting. I get to work this morning and check my inbox and I have a message from her that reads:

“Who are you?”

Huh? Did I miss something here? Are you kidding me? She sought ME out, and she is asking who I am??? Completely left-field. Of course in my typical irritated retorts I fire back . . .

“I’m the best thing to never happen to you.”

Later, Guam.

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