In previous posts, I have alluded to a dating spree that I had endured after the first Mango Meltdown back in January. There is no way of really condensing these great exploits into one post so I will try to recount the tales as detailed as possible - for your full comedic viewing pleasure. And of course, just like the Mango-saga, in a serialized format. But, before I begin with the spree, first a little background:

Prior to starting this blog, the initial idea was to write an essay about the shortcomings of the 30-something dating scene in New York, albeit from a freshly divorced-guy’s perspective. The plan was to pitch it to various Men’s lifestyle magazines. Part of the “Why Am I Doing This” section of the site was really the opening sketches of this project.

I came armed with a wealth of material to draw on: my first five-week run with Mango, my whatever-it-was with Slim Faster, as well as a few other hapless dating exploits. Of course, when things kicked up a notch (i.e. meeting more and more crazies) coupled with reading a bunch of very interesting blogs (from the likes of the wonderful people in my blogroll), I was inspired to join the frenzied blogosphere with these active field notes, and ditched the essay idea entirely.

Warming up to the idea of discussing my personal life anonymously, I decided to do a test run on Craigslist’s Personals Area just to see if there would be a reaction from the CL Faithful - as they are known to be vocal here and there (I know this first-hand as a former computer reseller, and writing group advocate who used the site generously over the years). What I didn’t know was that Craigslist also housed the greatest collection of lunatics I have ever engaged in conversation with in my thirty plus years living on this ball of dirt. The ad ran for a few days before I had to take it down due to the flood that overran my inbox. Messages ranged from accusatory finger-pointing to borderline-marriage proposals. I clearly hit a nerve. Before I pat myself on the shoulder, I had to remind myself that the Craigslist breed of person is not your run-of-the-mill human being. It is clear to me that most of the personalites that govern those communities are in one way or another, troubled. Stupid Brownstone ignored this very simple inference and got himself knee deep in some of the nuttiest situations ever.

Leading off in this courting ballgame is Chutney. She is an intelligent, talkative Sri Lankan immigration-lawyer with a very distinct accent and firm about her intentions. She was seeking a “soul-mate” and didn’t have “time to fuck around”. Chutney wrote a very nice, concise reply to my post, included pictures and implored me to send mine over to see if we were attracted to one another. Straight-forward, right? I went for it. Nothing to lose, I thought. After a few chats on the phone and a couple email exchanges, she called me on a Sunday afternoon to meet for a movie.

Movies and first-dates don’t usually mix well in my book, so I decided to try and talk her into a later showing so we can talk a bit, face-to-face and get to know one another better. Talk we did. Or shall I say, she did. Holy crap. I barely got a word in with her. I actually couldn’t wait to get back to the theater to cool-down. We went through the list of movies and started negotiating the choice (no joke). And it went something like this:

Brownstone: how about Pan’s Labyrinth?
Chutney: what’s that?
Browstone: fantasy-like flick, in spanish, subtitled.
Chutney: subtitled?
Brownstone: I’ve heard great things about it.
Chutney: pass. what about The Queen?
Brownstone: cool (was an Oscar Nominee at the time).
Chutney: no wait! Music & Lyrics!
Brownstone: music and what?
Chutney: I LOVE Hugh Grant

Alright, I went for it. Only because it was a first date and I thought it would be nice of me to just go along with checking a crappy flick just because I figured I should be very open. And even though she was a non-stop chatterbox, I was fascinated by the fact that she could go for a mindless, sappy-flick being that she was so sharp and super-smart (she’s even worked in the UN at one point). Midway through the flick the chatterbox continues to run her mouth, but this time about stuff that is forthcoming in the flick. I then begin to suspect that despite it being overly predictable, that she’d already seen the movie. Of course, I had to know…

Brownstone: wait, have you seen this?
Chutney: yes, I saw it 2 days ago
Browstone: are you crazy? why see it again?
Chutney: I LOVE Hugh Grant

There you have it. Craigslist date #1 in a nutshell. On top of this, she was spewing off stories of the endless array of dates she has been on lately putting my exploits to shame. She pretty much ‘released’ herself when she asked me how I found her ad. Her ad??? She didn’t even remember my post. Brownstone was cut-n-paste victim number 3497023242. Sheesh. Needless to say, I did not see her again. More to come . . .

** Oh.. and a small update: The Mango Saga is FAR from over as I had predicted. More forthcoming on that as well.